


it's scary

by sxftmelody



Category: Pledis Girlz (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxftmelody/pseuds/sxftmelody





	it's scary

 

You laugh it off as you do with any other thing pertaining to the topic that hit too close to home. 

 

“What?  _ No _ .” You deny, your heart already numb to the pain as you lie through your smile. “I’m not gay, mom.” 

 

Your mother gives an approving nod and you feel your stomach churn. Your vision turns spotty for a few moments until you hear your mother’s voice.

 

“Good.” The middle-aged woman replies, unknowingly breaking your heart. “They’re messed up in the brain, you know?” 

 

You give another weak chuckle because  _ what else is there to do, really _ ? Your mother called you messed up - abnormal - unnatural. 

 

The bedroom door closes and you’re alone. You look down at the phone in your hand and unlock it, opening the message app. You’re greeted by at least a hundred new text messages to scroll through on your friends’ group chat. As you scroll through each text, you feel your mood begin to lift back up with your friends’ playful conversations. 

 

Your smile widens which each text sent by one particular person; Im Nayoung. She texts the way she talks - perfect grammar and all. It’s funny for you to see one perfectly structured sentence text amidst texts of all capitals and typos. You lay back on your bed and join into the conversation, forgetting about what your mother had just said to you although it always stayed stuck to the back of your brain.

 

-

 

You hate the beach but you don’t mind it when you’re with your friends. Have it be any other day, and you would probably be down in the water with the other girls and not sitting besides Nayoung - but you aren’t feeling too upbeat today, not after what had happened yesterday with your mother. You sit in silence with a small smile on your lips as you stare at your friends laughing and screaming with each other, splashing one another and dunking each other under the water. You peek a glance over to Nayoung and sees the girl reading a book.

 

You pull your knees up to your chin and hug them close to your body, eyes scanning over the beach. You hear Nayoung’s voice after a few minutes of you two just sitting in silence.

 

“Why aren’t you down there with the other girls?” 

 

The question catches you a bit off guard but you’re used to being caught off guard, and so you smile naturally and turn your head to look at Nayoung, giving a shrug.

 

“I don’t know. I’m just not feeling it today.”

 

Nayoung sets the book down and your smile wavers.

 

“Is everything okay?” Her voice is soft and you don’t even realize there is anything left inside of you to break but  _ clearly _ there is, because something inside of you cracks at the girl’s words. 

 

You turn your gaze back to the ocean, inhaling and exhaling deeply. 

 

“Everything’s just  _ peachy _ .” 

 

Nayoung seems to catch the sarcastic undertone.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

 

You pause to think about the question. Do you want to? You aren’t too sure; one, because you don’t want to come out, two, because you don’t want to bother anyone else with your own personal predicaments, and three, because… you’re scared.

 

“I’m okay.” The reply is short and you feel Nayoung’s gaze settled on the side of  your face. 

 

“You can talk to me.”

 

Your mother says the same thing.

 

You get up from the towel you were sitting on,  being next to Nayoung suddenly all too suffocating for you. 

 

“I’m going to take a walk.” You announce.

 

Nayoung gets up.

 

“I’ll come with.” 

 

You shake your head.

 

“No, it’s okay.” 

 

“I’m not going to let you go alone.” Nayoung replies defiantly. You stare at her for a few moments before realizing she isn’t going to let you go and sigh.

 

“Fine.”

 

You two walk down the beach where the soft sand transitioned into large, flat rocks. You step between each rock until you get to the usual one you sit at. You go into a criss-cross position and hear rather than see (you don’t want to make eye contact with the girl) Nayoung settling down next to you. 

 

The silence is too much for you so you decide to hum a song - trying to keep up the facade you have on everyday that you’re happy with who you are and not completely scared out of your mind to be who you truly want to be.

 

You stop humming when you hear Nayoung say something. 

 

“You can seriously talk to me, Jieqiong.”

 

The seriousness in her voice makes your heart stop and you look over to the girl who’s staring at you with furrowed eyebrows.

 

“I can tell that there’s something bothering you.”

 

Your eyes cast downwards to the rock you’re sitting on.

 

“I’m sorry.” You mumble the apology, shaking your head and looking over to the horizon.  _ What are you even apologizing for? _

 

“Whenever you’re ready,” Nayoung says gently. “I’m here for you.”

 

The way she says it makes an alarm go off in your brain. 

 

Does she know? 

 

You feel your palm starting to sweat and you grit your teeth. You can’t seem to focus on any one thing for too long because everything seems to be moving too fast for you. 

 

Eventually, you just sigh. It’s all too suffocating for you. 

 

Maybe… maybe you can trust Nayoung. Maybe letting it out to at least one person other than yourself will be good (even if that person is your crush).

 

And so you do.

 

“I’m gay.” You whisper finally. 

 

You wait for a gasp, a comment of disgust, a slap -  _ something, anything _ \- but instead you're greeted with an arm over the shoulder and a tug that pulls you into a hug. Your mask cracks into a tiny million pieces as Nayoung’s embrace surrounds you.

  
Before you know it, you’re sobbing into the girl’s shirt.


End file.
